It was a normal, busy day in the office and I had been at this company for nearly 5 years making a lot of progress and impressing senior leaders across the organization. In fact, I’d just undergone a leadership development assessment and scored extremely high. So when I got an email for a meeting with my boss’s boss, I knew for sure I was getting promoted. And so the morning of the scheduled meeting, I was dressed to the nines, ready for my glorious moment.  But… as I walked into the meeting, I noticed in addition to my boss was another woman whom I’d never met. Thinking nothing of it, I confidently walked into the meeting with a smile. But there was to be no reciprocating. I sat and listened as my boss explained that due to a cross company re-organization, my position was being eliminated.
It felt like I had suddenly gone deaf. The human resources woman went began speaking of resources, benefits, compensation and things that were not sinking into any part of my senses. Was I dreaming? Or was this really happening? What happened to my supposed promotion that I’d worked so hard for the past years? I found myself crying and then suddenly, I pulled it together. (All in a span of maybe 5 minutes). I thanked my boss and the human resources woman for the opportunity to have been a part of the organization and then I went home with a heavy heart.
The devastation was real. I must have cried on and off silently to myself for days. I’d just experienced my first “lay off’ and it was a blow. I took about a week off to do nothing but enjoy my family, spiritually connect with God, get back in the gym, watch my favorite shows that I’d missed for so long and rest. However, about a week later, I got back to work. I was determined to turn this situation into a beautiful melody.

I crafted a schedule for myself. My new job was “job searching”. I had a schedule from 9am -5pm, Monday to Friday, of activities I did to further my job search. They ranged from online and in person resume writing courses, to establishing a strong social media (LinkedIn) presence, building contact lists and actually emailing them to let them know I was back in the job market, networking with former colleagues/mentors, and visiting employment agencies. I strategically worked out a system to get myself back into the job force but in a bigger and better way that more closely aligned with my career goals.

Within 2 months, I began receiving calls for interviews, pretty much on a bi-weekly basis however none were a good fit. While some declined me positions, I declined others. In the end, 7 months later, I’d received the best job offer I’d had since the start of my career as it’s propelled me to future positions I’d only dreamed of. And so, from the sour lemons my boss dished out that fateful afternoon, I’d created not a glass of lemonade, but a lemonade stand to reproduce a continuous source of revenue.

 
My advice for any woman that experiences a job termination, is its ok to take some time to let it sink in. Get emotional. Cry if you must. But also take time out to heal. Connect with loved ones, do things you always loved but never had time for. Get to know your spiritual self. But- don’t stay there. Quickly get back up and in a very disciplined manner like you would approach a job, create and follow a plan to lead you to success. It will likely be even better than where you were headed before.

Signed  by,

A Queen

I was 23 and about 2 years out of college with a bachelor’s degree in economics and working in an investment banking boutique as an analyst. I made pretty decent money for a young woman but knew I wanted more in life. I looked up to some of the powerful women in leadership roles where I worked and was inspired to take the next step to achieve my career goals which involved getting into a top notch MBA program in the United States. And so I applied to several schools in the United States and was accepted.

In hindsight, I think what set me apart from other applicants was my unique, diverse background and work experience.  Plus my extracurricular involvements in college involved leadership roles in various organizations apparently made me the right package and therefore was granted an international student visa to study in an MBA program in the US.

However, getting admitted was just half the battle. Arriving the US was quite daunting as I had to adjust to the new culture and teaching styles. It seemed like I had to work 3 times harder than my classmates to understand the professor’s lectures –often meeting with them for additional help and then reading some more.

Then there was the financial challenge. I had hoped upon arriving the US I would be able to take a loan in addition to the money I had saved from my old job to pay for my tuition which was close to $100k. However, that plan proved futile and the first year I had to struggle for money including lending from family members.

And then the light at the end of the tunnel appeared. Towards the end of my first year, I was interviewed on campus by a Fortune 500 company for a summer internship and was the only candidate the company hired from the school that year. I worked really hard that summer and had a great 3 month internship experience. The team I worked with really liked me and kept me on as part time during the school year. This boosted my confidence and I applied and received a graduate assistance-ship on campus which automatically qualified me for in state tuition. This significantly lowered my financial burden and enable me pay my tuition all the while juggling a full-time class load.

By the end of the second academic year, I graduated with my MBA and a full time, six-figure job offer from the company where I’d interned the previous summer and worked part time all year. I looked back at where I’d begun 2 years earlier and smiled in my heart with so much joy.

“Yes!” I was well on my way.

My advice for women is “Just go for your dreams”. Don’t be afraid. As long as you are willing to do the hard work and stay the course, things will work themselves out in the end.

Signed by

A Queen

“Life is beautiful”. That phrase was practically playing over and over in my head day and night. What else can be expected from a relatively newlywed mother of a boy and girl (perfect in my opinion), a husband I loved and a job that I enjoyed. But the puzzle wasn’t complete without the hallmark of the American Dream – we were still aspiring home owners and had just embarked on the journey to purchasing our first home! We had outgrown our little apartment and the excitement of becoming home owners soon began to pile up.  And then the totally unexpected happened.

 
My husband lost his job. I felt like my whole world was falling apart (funny how when something bad happens, we forget how “beautiful life has been or really still is). Several months had passed and still nothing. With one income, how were we to buy a home? How could we come up with the down payment we needed? All these questions started to weigh me down. I almost decided to give up and nearly fell into a depression. But this phase was short lived. It was like I heard my mom saying to me with that tough love, stern voice- “You better get your big girl panties on and keep pushing forward”. It finally clicked. I wasn’t going to give up on my dreams because my husband lost his job. I was going to walk the line even if I had to do it on my own.

 
And so I did. The secret to achieving this goal was that luckily I had listened to the advice of an older, female co-worker many years ago before we had kids. She told me to make sure I had an additional private savings through my job where I saved a considerable amount of my monthly salary for a rainy day. While I didn’t know it at the time, that extra savings was designed exactly for this moment. To save me from failing to attain one of my major life goals- owning a home. And that is how I became a first time home owner under the age of 30.

 

My one advise for women is first to always make sure in addition to your joint savings plan with your spouse or partner, you have your own secret stash for a rainy day because you just never know. And second but more importantly, never have a dream that depends on someone else to fulfil. You are a queen and the master of your own destiny. You can do anything with the right mindset and actions.

 
Signed by,
A Queen.

After 3 devastating miscarriages, occurring at various stages of pregnancy, it seemed as if I would never get an answer to “why”. “Why was this happening to me?”  No matter which doctor I consulted, they all said the same thing. “Miscarriages are nature’s way of preventing the birth of a potentially unhealthy child.”  However, my spirit would not reconcile with the doctors’ report.  That inner voice kept telling me this wasn’t normal and definitely not God’s plan. There had to be something going on.

And so my curious, stubborn self, hit the internet.  I was taking matters into my hands. I began researching causes of miscarriages.  I pretty much analyzed every possible cause of miscarriage to see if there was a correlation between my health/lifestyle and the risk factors  After exhausting nearly all the information I could find on-line, I stumbled upon a source that suggested an abnormal thyroid could cause a miscarriage.

It was like a light went on. I immediately contacted my doctor and after several blood tests, he discovered I had an overactive thyroid. Thankfully it wasn’t cancerous and I had the option to have it surgically removed.  After summoning all sources of courage possible, I underwent the 4 hour surgery.  It was the scariest thing I’d faced as my life flashed before my eyes for fear of what could happen in surgery.  But when I remembered all the pain I’d been through with the miscarriages, I found the guts to go through it and do this for my unborn children.   And so with my husband by my side, the thyroid was removed!  I was back to my healthy self and just had to take a tiny pill each day.

But the story doesn’t end there. Six months after surgery, I was pregnant and carried my healthy baby to full term.  A little over a year later, I had another full term healthy  baby.  For the first time, I had two full term, healthy babies back to back with no miscarriages!  I had saved my unborn children by listening to my inner voice.

My word of advise for women is to  listen to that voice that sometimes speaks to us in difficult times interceding for us. Of course, one should always consult with a licensed medical doctor.  However,  the lesson I learned from this experience was that sometimes, God himself speaks to us and gives us the answers we seek.  We just need to really listen to ourselves (some call it instinct) and apply wisdom in every decision.

For me, this act helped bring two beautiful new lives into the world and for that I would do it over again, and again.

Signed by,

A Queen.

Growing up in a loving family with both parents and several siblings, you would think that I’d be confident when it came to knowing love and therefore make wise decisions when it came to romantic relationships. But that was hardly the case. You see my biological dad and birth mother divorced when I was just a toddler and even though my stepfather treated me like I was his natural child, somehow I always had that feeling of wanting to be overwhelmed with love which led to me getting married very young. I mean basically right out of college at the age of 24. When I look back, it almost was as if I was rushing to get to the finish line of my life.

However, through the joys and laughter that came with being a new wife and mother, it wasn’t long before I began to feel empty. I felt I’d missed out of so much of my life’s potential- a skyrocketing career, a chance to travel the world and enjoy living life for me. But how was I to do that now? I couldn’t abandon my husband and children and repeat the cycle of divorce. After many years of battling these feelings, I decided I would never be happy until I nailed it in another vital area of my life- my career. And so after tossing around many options of what I wanted to do, I went back to get a graduate degree as a wife and working mother of 3. That was to be the best rational, decision I’d made since graduating college. Because almost immediately after graduating for the second time, amazing new job opportunities opened up. And I felt so much more confident and happier. I also felt more in control of my life. I had finally made a decision that would brighten the dim thoughts I had about “missing out” in my life. While my life still isn’t perfect (Idont believe anyone’s is by the way), it is so much more meaningful and I feel like I am now a better mother, wife, colleague and person overall. Because, now I no longer drag through life feeling empty or as if I have lost my sense of self. I feel so much more confident and believe I can conquer anything and the best is yet to come.

My advise for young women is that before you consider giving your life over to someone else e.g. becoming a wife or mother, spend a lot of time with yourself. Alone. Look in the mirror and ask yourself why you are making this decision. Make sure it is for all the right reasons and not to fill a void left by something else. That way you don’t waste precious years that could be spent being the best wife and mother you can be floating through life in emptiness. In the end maturing, knowing and unconditionally loving yourself will be a win-win for everyone.

Signed by,
A Queen