Growing up in a loving family with both parents and several siblings, you would think that I’d be confident when it came to knowing love and therefore make wise decisions when it came to romantic relationships. But that was hardly the case. You see my biological dad and birth mother divorced when I was just a toddler and even though my stepfather treated me like I was his natural child, somehow I always had that feeling of wanting to be overwhelmed with love which led to me getting married very young. I mean basically right out of college at the age of 24. When I look back, it almost was as if I was rushing to get to the finish line of my life.
However, through the joys and laughter that came with being a new wife and mother, it wasn’t long before I began to feel empty. I felt I’d missed out of so much of my life’s potential- a skyrocketing career, a chance to travel the world and enjoy living life for me. But how was I to do that now? I couldn’t abandon my husband and children and repeat the cycle of divorce. After many years of battling these feelings, I decided I would never be happy until I nailed it in another vital area of my life- my career. And so after tossing around many options of what I wanted to do, I went back to get a graduate degree as a wife and working mother of 3. That was to be the best rational, decision I’d made since graduating college. Because almost immediately after graduating for the second time, amazing new job opportunities opened up. And I felt so much more confident and happier. I also felt more in control of my life. I had finally made a decision that would brighten the dim thoughts I had about “missing out” in my life. While my life still isn’t perfect (Idont believe anyone’s is by the way), it is so much more meaningful and I feel like I am now a better mother, wife, colleague and person overall. Because, now I no longer drag through life feeling empty or as if I have lost my sense of self. I feel so much more confident and believe I can conquer anything and the best is yet to come.
My advise for young women is that before you consider giving your life over to someone else e.g. becoming a wife or mother, spend a lot of time with yourself. Alone. Look in the mirror and ask yourself why you are making this decision. Make sure it is for all the right reasons and not to fill a void left by something else. That way you don’t waste precious years that could be spent being the best wife and mother you can be floating through life in emptiness. In the end maturing, knowing and unconditionally loving yourself will be a win-win for everyone.
Signed by,
A Queen