I didn’t exactly have your textbook upbringing. Born in the northeastern parts of the United States, I have no recollection of my birth mother and was adopted by an older couple from the rural south. After being brought up by my adoptive parents in a strict, Baptist home, at the age of 15, I moved back with my biological grandmother (my birth mother had passed away).
It was a culture shock going from a strict Christian home to living with my biological Muslim family in a home with no structure. It wasn’t long before I met my first crush and at the age of 16, I was pregnant and at the demands of my grandmother and social services caseworker had an abortion. Following the abortion, the relationship between my grandmother and I was tumultuous and ultimately one night at the age of 17, she put me out of the house.
While out on my own, I got involved in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship with a man 12 years older than me and we had 2 children. After a few years, he was arrested and put in prison where he would serve 5 years for drug dealing. I was also arrested and charged as an accomplice but released on a Pre-Trial Intervention.
However, rather than go to rehabilitation, I continued to use illicit drugs until one day my life hit rock bottom. That afternoon, I was supposed to take my young sons out shopping but instead went off with a guy (leaving my young kids at home alone) to get high on drugs. I wouldn’t return until the next morning.
When my sons asked me upon my return to take them shopping, I realized the money I planned to use had been spent – on drugs. The look of disappointment on my sons’ faces crushed my soul. That moment, I was overcome with so much pain and guilt. I attempted ending my life but instead took my kids out of the house and ran into my best friend who immediately took us into her home and checked us into a drug rehabilitation program. We would remain there for 2 and a half years.
After the program, I was clean and had to start over. Determined to become a better mother, I juggled multiple jobs, working at grocery stores, fast food restaurants, anything to take care of my children. I also enrolled and nearly completed a Certified Nursing Program however was discouraged by people who said the state would never certify me to practice due to my past legal record. And so I abandoned the program and began searching for the next thing.
One day while working at one of the retail stores a customer I had become friendly with, offered me a job working at a law firm doing office work. He trained me and I researched and taught myself technical skills that helped me succeed in that role. I continued to learn, grow and move on to other law firms. When I reached a level where my salary had plateaued, I decided to go back to school to improve my chances of earning more income. Driven by my determination to provide a good life for my kids, I enrolled in a local university, worked during the day, tended to my kids after work, then went to school at night. I focused solely on my goals and kids and didn’t date anyone during this time.
Two years later, I’d earned my Associates Degree in Computer Networking. This boosted my confidence and I began applying for higher level roles in large cities. Upon getting each new job, I would work extremely hard to succeed and stand out ….going in early, performing highly and working late everyday. This work ethic has continued to progress my career. Today, I make a six-figure income working for a successful law firm in New York City. The best reward is that my sons are now grown successful men and great fathers themselves. I finally became that better mother I had promised them to be on that fateful day.
My advice to young queens who may not have had a rosy start in life and made mistakes is 1) Never stop wanting the best for yourself. 2) Don’t let anyone stand in the way of your dreams and goals. Figure out what you want and give it your best effort. 3) Show up for yourself when you finally get a chance to reach your dreams. That means always put your best foot forward. You never get a second chance to make a first impression. But if you give it your all, the sky is the limit.
Signed by,
A Queen