As a young teenage mother, I had barely started living life when I found myself not only having to juggle the multitude of challenges that come with being a teenager but now I had the added responsibility of caring for another being. It was truly a difficult time, however, with the loving support of my parents, I raised my blessing #1, finished school and appeared to be faring quite well. But, all was not perfect.
By the age of 17, I met my “prince charming” who swept me off my young teenage feet, I was married and in what seemed like a flash, I had 3 more beautiful blessings. My kids were and still are my life and the best thing that ever happened to me. The days quickly turned to years and before I knew it, 12 years had suddenly flown by. I had spent the most youthful years of my life aligning my happiness to my husband’s. I guess my thinking was that being his wife would make me happy and so I turned a blind eye to the pain and suffering that came with it. The fact is that the whole time I was married, I endured a lot of emotional and physical abuse but never felt there was a way out. Like many women out there I felt “trapped”. I felt the need to portray the picture perfect family…married with 4 beautiful kids but on the inside, I was falling apart.
Then came the light, about 8 years into the marriage, I decided to focus more on myself. By that I meant my career, I started working, went back to college and pursued a nursing degree and found I was very good at what I did. I miraculously was able to juggle being a working wife, mother and honor roll student. This boosted my confidence. I stopped focusing on my physical appearance and losing weight (which occupied a chunk of my psyche) but rather focused on more intrinsic values like my self-esteem and personal goals.
Following bouts of marriage counseling with my husband who kept wanting to work things out, we seemed to be getting nowhere. Things would be fine for a month or two, then we were back to where we started again.
Finally, I decided after nearly 12 years of marriage, that we had reached the end of the road. I needed to take action and control of my life and so I asked him for a divorce.
Today, a year later, I truly feel like I have been given a second chance at life. I have ventured into a great career, my kids are thriving, and I just feel a deep sense of joy that is inexplicable… that feeling of being “free!”
I must admit there are good and bad days, and I unfortunately lost some family and friends along the way who didn’t understand why I was making this decision. However, now at 30 years old, I know I made the right decision. I am glad that I have set an example for my daughter on how she should be treated by a man and for my sons on how to treat the women in their lives.
My advice to women regardless of their age is – “You don’t need a partner (husband/significant other/boyfriend) to be the best you can be.” Rather focus first on being the best version of yourself and then find a partner who will complement you.
Finally, “don’t ever feel trapped”. It is never too late to get your life back and start painting it over on a blank canvas, as beautiful as you would envision it. While nothing in life is perfect, you can certainly get close enough if you remain true to yourself and listen to that inner voice. Know that you are not alone in this struggle.
Signed,
A Queen